A Fertile Heart, by Carolyn Majoran

My Story

Archives

  • Aug1Fri

    Hope in the Journey

    August 1, 2014
    Journeying through the desert land of infertility can be a daunting possibility. I certainly didn’t think much about infertility when my husband and I began trying to start our family. But, as each month passed and no positive pregnancy test appeared, the idea of being infertile became a horribly, heart-wrenching probability.
  • Jul31Thu

    Why Not Me?

    July 31, 2014
    Crumpled in the fetal position I once again cried out to God the same questions I had been screaming at Him for many months – “Why not me? Why am I not pregnant? Why can’t You just give me a child?!” Sound familiar?
  • Jul30Wed

    Sympathy vs Empathy

    July 30, 2014

    “You’re trying to have a baby?! That’s so exciting!”

    “Oh, you haven’t been able to get pregnant yet? It’s been almost a year? I’m sorry. That’s so terrible for you!”

    These words, or words very similar, were spoken to me many times by some well-meaning people that I considered friends. In and of themselves, the words are not terrible. They are not hurtful. These people cared for me and wanted me to experience the joys of motherhood just like they all were doing. And so, the words were most definitely heart-felt but seemingly pity-filled.

  • Jul29Tue

    Sovereign God?!

    July 29, 2014
    I have had a lot of silent conversations with God, mostly one-sided and pretty much all about me. When struggling with the emotions infertility brings out in you, the selfish prayers are certainly understandable.
  • Jul28Mon

    One Year Milestone

    July 28, 2014
    Milestones are celebratory occasions. Our first steps, our first lost tooth, graduating elementary school, earning our driver’s license, graduating high school and then college… This list goes on and on. We take pride in our achievements and celebrate our accomplishments. The milestone that is not a joyous occasion is the one year marker for trying to conceive a child. It is at this allotted time that the doctors deem us infertile.
  • Jul26Sat

    Are We In This Together?

    July 26, 2014
    I can recall many occasions where I would glance over at my husband sitting on the couch watching his favourite hockey team lose yet again, and wonder if my anguish-filled thoughts and prayers were echoed in his mind. Did he feel the pain of childlessness like I did? I could talk about it and agonize about it all day long but he seemed to be able to go about the day as if the greatest struggle we have endured to date was not occurring!
  • Jul25Fri

    Bring The Rain

    July 25, 2014
    I have always loved music. Worship music is by far my favourite. I’m sure I was sung to while in the womb and I have early memories of my mom singing hymns to me as part of my bedtime routine. It was no surprise to me that God chose time and again to speak to me through the lyrics of songs that I listened to.
  • Jul24Thu

    The Meet and Greet

    July 24, 2014
    Fear can do funny things to you. Even though I was not getting pregnant, and in my head I understood I was infertile, it took me years to work up the courage to have the diagnosis confirmed by a doctor. Hearing the word “infertile” from a medical professional would just sound so final and real. It was my greatest fear.
  • Jul23Wed

    The Dreaded Tests

    July 23, 2014
    I am not a patient person by nature. It’s a virtue I struggle with each and every day. Surprisingly, when it came to my own infertility journey and the aspects of it that I had control over, I became the most patient person in the world. Rather, the more appropriate word would be apprehensive. I believe I delayed the inevitable (making appointments for required testing) because I was afraid the results would be too final.
  • Jul22Tue

    Good News for Others

    July 22, 2014
    Have you ever felt like you are a magnet for pregnancy announcements? You see a friend of yours walking down the hall at church with that special smile on their face and you just know what they’re going to say. They’re having a baby. They only want to share their joy with you and the only thing you want to do is find the nearest bathroom stall to lock yourself in before the tears begin to fall.